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Time flies ... when you're having fun

It cost £6 million! It starts Cliff Richard as a rock star and Laurence Olivier as a hologram! It's Time! Stuart Husband saw the musical they're all talking about.

From the moment the 3-D curtain rises and Cliff appears to loads of girly squeals, belting out a very loud 'boogie' number in front of a H-U-G-E bank of lights, you can tell that Time going to be spectacular. And, that's one thing this £6 million-worth of special effects, silly costumes and awful songs certainly is. It's also (unintentionally) hilarious.

The basic plot is thus: Cliff plays an incredibly successful rock star (called, err, Chris Wilder) who "brings the young people of Earth together with his wunnerful rock music". After a concert he and his three raunchy backing singers get abducted with the help of 10,000 lasers and a lot of N-O-I-S-E) to a big Celestial Court Room, where they are greeted by three Time Lords, who have the unfortunate task of floating about 50 feet above the stage in some very precarious-looking Celestial Thrones, which make a horrid creaking sound throughout the performance.

To cut a long stong short, Cliff has to save the Earth by assuring the Time Lords that the people of Earth are actually rather nice and won't upset the balance of the Universe by blowing up the world with their nasty big bombs. He is helped by Askash (a Deity-like figure played by a hologram of Laurence Olivier, which occasionally wobbles forward to the front of the stage and says a few ponderous words about 'eternity' and 'loving each other') and opposed by the formidable Lord Gusset Wildebeeste (Going Out may have misheard that one) who looks like an 80-year-old Gary Glitter.

Anyway, Cliff eventually saves the world, after singing a lot of dreadful songs (Going Out's particular fave being 'Don't You Know We're The UFO') and gets brought back to Earth to spread the message of Lurve, Peace and Brotherhood. An entertaining - and truly heartwarming night out.

Pics: Phil Lotus

Stuart Husband, Going Out, Number One magazine