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Having a Ball

Gran Lush is at it again chuckies. You'd think she'd be past all this swooning nonsense at her age, but she's still as excitable as a merry stoat. This time her roving eye has alighted on one Michael Ball and the crafty minx has threatened to reveal the details of an incident from childhood concerning myself, the boy-next-door, 2lbs of grapes, four clothes pegs and a stuffed antelope, if I don't give him a mention. So, ahem, here he is hedgehogs! The one and only Michael Ball who is about to take on the lead role in Andrew Lloyd Webber's new musical Aspects of Love. Gran Lush has already booked front row seats for the show and is beside herself with joy at the news that Michael will be stripping off his undergarments and bearing all before her very eyes. Crikey we'd better put her ventilator in the foyer or I bet there'll be one heck of a kerfuffle!

Lola Lush, Number One Magazine